Thursday, February 10, 2011

Today I Cried...

Today I cried. This is not unusual as of late, and to be honest I don't necessarily like to admit that I cry. I usually act like I don't ever cry, that tears don't exist in my book. I cried because I was scared and angry. I was tired of not being in control. To describe it perfectly I felt as though I was in the process of forgetting a wound which was deep by covering it with a band-aid, only noticing it when something grazed against or when someone provoked it. Today I felt as though someone deliberately ripped the bandage off and started picking at the wound to see if it would bleed. One would think that this would be enough. I fear that if I try and bandage it up again its only going to be ripped off once again before healing. I feel so bare and exposed. Maybe its a good thing, some of these walls needed to come down eventually. All I know for now is that it hurts and I am waiting for it to pass.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Take my side, God—I’m getting kicked around,stomped on every day. Not a day goes by but somebody beats me up; They make it their duty to beat me up...You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."
- Psalm 56 (The Message)

Anonymous said...

I remembered this excerpt from "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" when I read this post.

Aslan offered to remove Eustace’s scales, so Eustace let him. Aslan clawed deep into his chest and started tearing away the flesh. It hurt worse than anything, but he stood strong and watched his dragon scales come off. Finally, Aslan reached down, picked up Eustace, and threw him into the pool of water. When Eustace came up for air, he was a boy again; he had been “un-dragoned.”

Anonymous said...

I'm actually a new Christian that went through some really tough times, but what got me through was this verse I read. Psalm 56:8- You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?, and it made me feel like even when you feel that utter moment of losing grip on circumstances, when you feel like you cant fix the past or predict the future, there is one who called the world into being, and he's holding your hand. Next time you feel like your on the edge about to fall, just be remember who you're trusting, and that the one who holds the world in his hands has your future in his hands. God Bless