This Post is Dedicated To: Roshan and Rony (the twins), Lisa (my honorary sister), Crystal, Priscilla, and not least of all Lance
"Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion"
While sitting at the Doctor’s office waiting impatiently for my mom’s appointment to be finished (or at least get started) I rummaged through several magazines (Thank You office manager who replenishes and supplies these racks- You have no idea of the impact you are making).
I noted that 3 (if not more) of the major magazines had articles on Amy Chua and her new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom in their January editions. Some of the articles expressed concern and disapproval of this Asian mother’s approach to parenting and her disdain for western parenting styles, while others praised her and viewed Asian Parents as Superior.
I came home and watched clips of interviews with Amy Chua, read excerpted articles and finally read the book. For some Unknown reason this book/story struck a chord with me.
Some of Chua’s methods are extreme, I agree but I think her reasoning and purpose are sound. Some Children do not really know what they are capable of accomplishing and if not pushed and prodded, they will remain mediocre when in reality they are excellent. Growing up, if left to my own devices, I am not entirely sure I would have been driven to accomplish or understand what my strengths were. I hated reading, I hated Writing and the thought of SPEAKING in public would have lead to me passing out. Since all three of these were strenuous activities that required discipline I would have chosen to opt out using the excuse that I was simply unable or less then apt. My mother, thankfully knew better.
While most kids got to do fun things, my mom made me write essays on topics that she would give me (for example birds). We had a set of encyclopedias which I could use as reference. It had to be completed before she came home and before I could go to McDonald’s play pen (I guess that was the ish back then) to hang out. I absolutely hated it but I complied, today I write blogs for fun, I consider writing one of my fortes.
Even better was her pushing me to speak on stage for a competition. I was mortified. I was scared to death- I couldn’t do it. I begged, I pleaded, I refused, but she did not let up. She promised me that if I did it just this once that she would never make me do it again. So I did, I failed miserably, my hands were shaking, I read the entire speech in less then 2 minutes (total time limit 5 minutes) and I made a fool of myself. Rather than allowing me to wallow in self pity and letting me go as she had promised, (that tricky woman), she forced me to sign up for every competition after that until I perfected it (she took out all the papers in my bible, so I wouldn’t have anything to read off and could maintain eye contact). Today, although, I don’t like to give her much credit, I am able to stand up and express my thoughts in front of others without crying (I still get butterflies) but I can do it.
Even in choosing my career path, she stood by and wouldn’t let me just veer off path. She wanted me to be a pharmacist, I wanted to be a Literature Major, who went into Law. And although I have bitter feuds with her regarding this, I am happy that she made me do something that was beyond my comfort zone, I truly believe that I am capable of becoming a pharmacist and offering something to the field of pharmacy that others can’t.
The thing is she saw talents and capabilities in me that I did not even know existed. She used unconventional methods (she used to tell me that I would clean other competitors bathrooms when I didn’t succeed- (this probably explains my fear of bathroom cleaning)) that maybe others would look down upon but she did it because secretly she was my biggest fan who knew that I could become better then even I imagined.
Somewhere between hating my mother’s techniques and secretly admiring them, I became worse then her. I am not sure how many of you who read this are an older sibling, but maybe if you are, you will understand me a little bit better.
Over the past few years I have received more flack than Amy Chua when it comes to my methods in “raising”/helping/disciplining my younger siblings. I have two younger brothers who are twins, and 4 younger cousins (I am the oldest grandchild). I feel personally responsible for each and every one of them and love them with all of my heart.
Many times people misunderstand my motives and assume that the control freak in me simply enjoys disciplining. Although, I am a control freak, I can’t say I particularly enjoy punishment or disciplining or even being overly involved. I simply know that because I was pushed hard, I achieved much and I don’t want my younger siblings to miss out because no one pushes them.
I don’t think there is another person in this world who feels as much pride as I do when they are victorious (even in the smallest things), or anyone else that mourns when they fail (not even them).
One of my brothers likes to take the easy road, he hates putting effort or trying something that is difficult, BUT, he is extremely bright. We get into huge fights regarding this.One example that comes to my mind is when he was entered for a speech competition in 2009, he didn’t care to put the effort and failed miserably. I could tell he felt bad. I was unable to be there fore him because of school, and whats even worse, my mom wasn’t there (my mom, who has never missed any of my speeches in her life was not there for my baby brother). I called her up and I chewed her out (she ended up crying). The very next year he was forced to sign up again, he WHINED, CRIED, ANNOYED ME, like crazy but I wouldn’t let up. I forced him, stood behind him, and made sure my parents were there to witness his victory.
One of my brothers likes to take the easy road, he hates putting effort or trying something that is difficult, BUT, he is extremely bright. We get into huge fights regarding this.One example that comes to my mind is when he was entered for a speech competition in 2009, he didn’t care to put the effort and failed miserably. I could tell he felt bad. I was unable to be there fore him because of school, and whats even worse, my mom wasn’t there (my mom, who has never missed any of my speeches in her life was not there for my baby brother). I called her up and I chewed her out (she ended up crying). The very next year he was forced to sign up again, he WHINED, CRIED, ANNOYED ME, like crazy but I wouldn’t let up. I forced him, stood behind him, and made sure my parents were there to witness his victory.
People always harp on me for my strict manner of dealing with my brothers and my cousins. What they don’t realize is that deep down it comes from a heart that wants each and every one of them to succeed to achieve better then they thought possible. I love seeing Lisa standout with her amazingness (she reminds me of myself so much), Priscilla with her stubborness but willingness to beat the odds, Lance with his kind heart, Crystal with her heart of Gold yet silliness, and RONY with his sarcastic sentiments and need to defend all.
There is a threshold to which this technique won’t work any longer and Chua gets to that understanding towards the end of her book when one of her daughters simply won’t comply. I think the key is knowing who you are dealing with, what works for one won’t necessarily work for the other. At some point and time I expect Roshan, Rony, Lisa, Priscilla and Lance (crystal is already there), to make their own decision and understand the consequences, but until then I want to make sure that they are given every opportunity and helping hand they need from an older sister whose been through quite a bit and seen quite a lot.
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1 comments:
You drive a hard bargain, mom.
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